My sarcasm is free, but my kindness is limited edition.

I'm not sassy. I'm just saying what everyone's thinking.

Your vibe called. It wants a refund.

My last nerve has a do-not-disturb sign.

Let me check my schedule for caring... nope, fully booked.

If I wanted your opinion, I'd have asked. I didn't.

Too glam to give you my attention.

Brains, beauty and a little bit of attitude.

I'm the reason the group chat went quiet.

Keep talking. I'm writing it all down for the memoir.

I'd tell you a joke about my patience, but it ran out.

I'd roast you, but it's too hot out.

Not everyone has to like me. I'm not a weekend.

That's a you problem.

My sarcasm is a gift. You're welcome.

I'd agree with you, but I'm allergic to being wrong.