I don't do drama. I watch it.

My sarcasm is a gift. You're welcome.

I'm not lazy, I'm selectively motivated.

Let's be honest: I'm the best part of this photo.

I'm allergic to nonsense.

Keep underestimating me. It's hilarious.

Me, pretending to care: an Oscar-worthy performance.

If you're waiting for my apology, get comfy.

Your drama is not my department.

My sarcasm is free, but my kindness is limited edition.

I'd tell you a joke about my patience, but it ran out.

I'm not ignoring you. I'm prioritising.

Oh, you thought I cared? Adorable.

Not bossy. Just correct.

My silence is just me being polite.

You look like you need a nap. Or a personality.