My life, my rules, your problem.

Keep going. I'm almost interested.

Low battery, high standards. You didn't make the cut.

I'm the main character. You're a comment.

Your comment is proof that anyone can get a phone.

I'm not offended. I'm just impressed you spelled it right.

Sorry, I only take criticism from people I'd take advice from.

Sending you peace. You clearly need it more.

Noted. Filed. Forgotten.

You sound like a bad review of yourself.

Try again when you have a real argument.

Imagine trying this hard and still missing.

You're not a critic. You're a confused fan.

Could've been a thought. Should've stayed one.

Gold star for effort. Zero for execution.

I'd explain it to you, but I don't have that kind of time.