I speak fluent sarcasm and a little bit of eye roll.

I have a black belt in eye rolling.

Oh, you thought I cared? Adorable.

I'd roast you, but it's too hot out.

Being this unbothered takes practice.

My last nerve has a do-not-disturb sign.

Being right is exhausting, but someone has to do it.

Please be patient. I'm pretending to care.

Congratulations on your opinion. Nobody asked.

Nice try, but no.

You look like you need a nap. Or a personality.

Read the room? I am the room.

Keep talking. I'm writing it all down for the memoir.

Honesty hour: I wasn't listening.

You can't handle my energy, and that's fine.

Sarcasm is my love language. Sorry.