Petty? No. Precise.

I'm allergic to nonsense.

Sorry I'm late. I didn't want to come.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm pretty close.

Nice try, but no.

My middle name is "unbothered".

Too glam to give you my attention.

Polite on the outside, savage in the notes app.

You're entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to ignore it.

I'll be nicer when you're smarter.

My sarcasm is free, but my kindness is limited edition.

You look like you need a nap. Or a personality.

Rolling my eyes so hard I can see my brain.

Your drama doesn't match my outfit.

You woke up and chose chaos. So did I.

Your opinion has been noted and ignored.