I'd love to stay and chat, but I'd rather not.

Did you mean to embarrass yourself, or was that a bonus?

Is that your final draft?

I'd roast you, but I don't cook for free.

I'm the main character. You're a comment.

This is why you're not in the group chat.

You seem nice. From a distance.

You must be tired from living rent-free in my comments.

Aww, you're trying. That's sweet.

I love how confident you are about being wrong.

I don't need your approval. I've got Wi-Fi and good lighting.

Do you need a hug, or just attention?

You're not my problem. You're not even my hobby.

I didn't ask, but thanks for volunteering.

That's a lot of words for "I'm jealous".

I've been insulted by better people.