I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm pretty close.

Sure, I'll add it to my list of things I don't care about.

Your energy is loud. Mine is louder.

Mood: dealing with nonsense professionally.

Polite on the outside, savage in the notes app.

Petty level: expert.

Your vibe called. It wants a refund.

Okay, and?

I'm not ignoring you. I'm prioritising.

Sorry, my give-a-care is out of stock.

I'd tell you a joke about my patience, but it ran out.

My comeback is on two-day delivery.

I'm not lazy, I'm selectively motivated.

I have a black belt in eye rolling.

Sorry I'm late. I didn't want to come.

My last nerve has a do-not-disturb sign.