I'd be upset, but I'm busy being happy.

You clearly put effort into that. Shame about the result.

Thanks for stopping by. The exit is on the left.

I didn't ask, but thanks for volunteering.

You're not a critic. You're a confused fan.

This comment brought to you by boredom.

Bold of you to assume I asked.

I've been insulted by better people.

Say it again, but with facts this time.

Keep my name out of your mouth. It's busy enough.

Imagine spending your day on my page. Couldn't be me.

Low battery, high standards. You didn't make the cut.

I've read menus with more personality.

Blocked, deleted and forgotten. Have a nice day.

My therapist is going to laugh at this one.

You're acting like the main character, but you're an extra.