Talk to the filter.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I'm pretty close.

My middle name is "unbothered".

Let me check my schedule for caring... nope, fully booked.

I'm not sassy. I'm just saying what everyone's thinking.

Let's be honest: I'm the best part of this photo.

Your drama is not my department.

Keep rolling your eyes. It's great exercise.

Didn't read your text. Still thriving.

Please be patient. I'm pretending to care.

Just because you're awake doesn't mean I am.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice. I'll file it in the bin.

Keep talking. I'm writing it all down for the memoir.

My resting face is a whole statement.

I'm on a break from people who waste my time.

Queen of comebacks, princess of peace.