Congratulations on your opinion. Nobody asked.

Me, pretending to care: an Oscar-worthy performance.

I'm not sassy. I'm just saying what everyone's thinking.

Too glam to give you my attention.

Honesty hour: I wasn't listening.

Talk to the filter.

Petty level: expert.

Sure, I'll add it to my list of things I don't care about.

Mood: dealing with nonsense professionally.

My sarcasm is a gift. You're welcome.

I love how you think you matter here.

Oh, you have opinions? Cute.

My last nerve has a do-not-disturb sign.

Just because you're awake doesn't mean I am.

I'm not rude. I'm honest in HD.

Please be patient. I'm pretending to care.