I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

I'm not late, everyone else is early.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

Social battery: 2%.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

If you see me smiling, I'm thinking about food.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritising naps.

My to-do list has a to-do list.

Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

My phone is at 100% and I'm at 5%.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

I don't need therapy, I need a beach and zero emails.

I'm fine. My search history says otherwise.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.