I'm on a strict diet of whatever's in the fridge.

My phone is at 100% and I'm at 5%.

Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

The couch and I have an understanding.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

Calories? I prefer to call them flavour points.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

The weekend went by faster than my paycheck.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.