The couch and I have an understanding.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

I'm a people person, as long as they bring food.

Here for a good time, not a long time. Especially at meetings.

Just vibing until someone asks me to do something.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

Social battery: 2%.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

The couch and I have an understanding.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

I'm not late, everyone else is early.

Social battery: 2%.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Stayed up late for absolutely no reason. Again.