My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritising naps.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

My love language is being left alone with snacks.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Stayed up late for absolutely no reason. Again.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.