I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

The couch and I have an understanding.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

My goal this week: find my other sock.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

I followed a recipe once. Never again.

Out of office: mentally, emotionally, physically.