Me pretending to understand the group chat.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Me and my overthinking are best friends.

My to-do list has a to-do list.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

The couch and I have an understanding.

Remembered everything I forgot. At 2am. In bed.

I don't need therapy, I need a beach and zero emails.

Remembered everything I forgot. At 2am. In bed.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

Warning: may start talking about snacks at any moment.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

The couch and I have an understanding.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

I followed a recipe once. Never again.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.

I need a nap and a new personality.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.