I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

I'm on a strict diet of whatever's in the fridge.

Warning: may start talking about snacks at any moment.

My goal this week: find my other sock.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

My spirit animal is a sloth on vacation.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

I'm not late, everyone else is early.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

My sense of direction is a myth.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

Here for a good time, not a long time. Especially at meetings.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

My love language is being left alone with snacks.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.