I can't adult today. Please leave a message.
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Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.
Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.
I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.
Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.
Some people have abs. I have snacks.
I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.
Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.
The weekend went by faster than my paycheck.
My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.
My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.
Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.
Monday called. I didn't pick up.
My love language is being left alone with snacks.