I didn't ask, but thanks for volunteering.

You're mad. I'm glowing. We're both doing our best.

I've read menus with more personality.

Thanks for the view, the comment and the free promotion.

You clearly put effort into that. Shame about the result.

Could've been a thought. Should've stayed one.

I'd be upset, but I'm busy being happy.

Your comment has been screenshotted for the group chat.

You must be tired from living rent-free in my comments.

Gold star for effort. Zero for execution.

Hot take? More like room temperature.

Say it again, but with facts this time.

Imagine spending your day on my page. Couldn't be me.

I'd roast you, but I don't cook for free.

Low battery, high standards. You didn't make the cut.

Keep my name out of your mouth. It's busy enough.