My to-do list has a to-do list.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

My goal this week: find my other sock.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

Social battery: 2%.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

Me and my overthinking are best friends.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

I'm not late, everyone else is early.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

I'm a people person, as long as they bring food.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

My only marathon is a TV series.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

My sense of direction is a myth.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

Calories? I prefer to call them flavour points.