My haters never miss a post. Loyal, honestly.

I'm the main character. You're a comment.

Your comment is proof that anyone can get a phone.

You're acting like the main character, but you're an extra.

You clearly have too much free time. Want a hobby?

The audacity. The typos. The drama.

I'd be upset, but I'm busy being happy.

Do you need a hug, or just attention?

You must be exhausted from being this wrong.

I didn't ask, but thanks for volunteering.

Pressed much?

Your insult was like decaf. No punch.

I don't need your approval. I've got Wi-Fi and good lighting.

You're not a critic. You're a confused fan.

My therapist is going to laugh at this one.

I'd love to stay and chat, but I'd rather not.