My only marathon is a TV series.

I'm not late, everyone else is early.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

Me and my overthinking are best friends.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

I'm on a strict diet of whatever's in the fridge.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.