I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

The couch and I have an understanding.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

My favourite workout is running out of patience.

If you need me, I'm in my blanket fort.

My love language is being left alone with snacks.

Remembered everything I forgot. At 2am. In bed.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

I'm on a strict diet of whatever's in the fridge.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

My spirit animal is a sloth on vacation.

Here for a good time, not a long time. Especially at meetings.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

Just vibing until someone asks me to do something.

My phone is at 100% and I'm at 5%.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritising naps.