Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritising naps.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

I followed a recipe once. Never again.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

My to-do list has a to-do list.

My only marathon is a TV series.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

I don't need therapy, I need a beach and zero emails.