My sense of direction is a myth.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

Social battery: 2%.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

The weekend went by faster than my paycheck.

I followed a recipe once. Never again.

I'm on a strict diet of whatever's in the fridge.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Calories? I prefer to call them flavour points.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.

The couch and I have an understanding.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

The couch and I have an understanding.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

Out of office: mentally, emotionally, physically.

I'm fine. My search history says otherwise.

Social battery: 2%.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

My only marathon is a TV series.

I need a nap and a new personality.

If you need me, I'm in my blanket fort.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

If you see me smiling, I'm thinking about food.