Let me overthink this and get back to you.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

The couch and I have an understanding.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

My phone is at 100% and I'm at 5%.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Out of office: mentally, emotionally, physically.

Me pretending to understand the group chat.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Here for a good time, not a long time. Especially at meetings.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

If you need me, I'm in my blanket fort.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

The couch and I have an understanding.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

Stayed up late for absolutely no reason. Again.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.