I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

My to-do list has a to-do list.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

If you need me, I'm in my blanket fort.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

Remembered everything I forgot. At 2am. In bed.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I have two moods: hungry and sleepy.