I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

The couch and I have an understanding.

My favourite workout is running out of patience.

Stayed up late for absolutely no reason. Again.

Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

I followed a recipe once. Never again.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

My goal this week: find my other sock.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.