My to-do list has a to-do list.

I'm fine. My search history says otherwise.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

Stayed up late for absolutely no reason. Again.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

My spirit animal is a sloth on vacation.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.