If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

My favourite workout is running out of patience.

Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

My sense of direction is a myth.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.