My to-do list has a to-do list.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

I'm not late, everyone else is early.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

I can't adult today. Please leave a message.

My spirit animal is a sloth on vacation.

If you see me smiling, I'm thinking about food.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

Here for a good time, not a long time. Especially at meetings.

Just vibing until someone asks me to do something.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

I'm a people person, as long as they bring food.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

The couch and I have an understanding.

If laziness were a sport, I still wouldn't compete.