Currently buffering. Try again later.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

I'm fine. My search history says otherwise.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

My favourite workout is running out of patience.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritising naps.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Keep calm and pretend you know what you're doing.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

Here for a good time, not a long time. Especially at meetings.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.