My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

Me pretending to understand the group chat.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

My favourite workout is running out of patience.

Social battery: 2%.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

My goal this week: find my other sock.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

My spirit animal is a sloth on vacation.

If you see me smiling, I'm thinking about food.

I'm fine. My search history says otherwise.

Remembered everything I forgot. At 2am. In bed.

My phone is at 100% and I'm at 5%.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

Water, check. Snacks, check. Motivation, not found.

Did I sleep 8 hours or 8 minutes? Unclear.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

My goal this week: find my other sock.

Calories? I prefer to call them flavour points.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Dance like nobody's watching. They're not. They're on their phones.