My sense of direction is a myth.

My spirit animal is a sloth on vacation.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Life update: I finally folded the laundry. Just kidding.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

I'm not procrastinating, I'm prioritising naps.

Me: saves money. Also me: sees a sale.

My goal this week: find my other sock.

The couch and I have an understanding.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

I'm on a strict diet of whatever's in the fridge.

If you see me smiling, I'm thinking about food.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.