My favourite workout is running out of patience.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

I'm not clumsy, the floor just loves me.

Adulting level: cereal for dinner.

My cooking is so good the smoke alarm cheers me on.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

Calories? I prefer to call them flavour points.

If you need me, I'm in my blanket fort.

My spirit animal is a sloth on vacation.

My to-do list has a to-do list.

Every day I wake up and choose snacks.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

I put on my "doing nothing" outfit today.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.