The weekend went by faster than my paycheck.

My phone is at 100% and I'm at 5%.

I'm not bossy, I just have better ideas.

Stayed up late for absolutely no reason. Again.

If you see me smiling, I'm thinking about food.

Professional snack taster, amateur everything else.

Mentally, I'm still in bed.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

My texting speed is fast, my reply speed is not.

I followed a recipe once. Never again.

Proud member of the "5 more minutes" club.

My brain is a browser with 47 tabs open.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

Let me overthink this and get back to you.

Monday called. I didn't pick up.

Remembered everything I forgot. At 2am. In bed.