Out of office: mentally, emotionally, physically.

I don't need therapy, I need a beach and zero emails.

My phone is at 100% and I'm at 5%.

I'm not ignoring you, I'm just really into this nap.

If you need me, I'm in my blanket fort.

My hair has a mind of its own, and it's not a nice one.

I need a nap and a new personality.

Some people have abs. I have snacks.

I tried to be productive but the couch won.

Warning: may start talking about snacks at any moment.

Currently buffering. Try again later.

I'm fine. My search history says otherwise.

I'm the reason the group chat has trust issues.

The group chat is 90% memes and 10% plans that never happen.

My to-do list has a to-do list.

Currently accepting applications for someone to do my laundry.